Christian Jokes

Nothing like a few more Christian jokes to get you in the proper mood to face the day. Here they are!

You Might Be Charismatic If ...

You think the fire safety slogan "Stop, Drop, & Roll" is the title of a new book on Holy Spirit etiquette.

You stay home from church because you’re afraid some prophet will read your mail in public.

Your closet is divided into two sections - clothes that are appropriate for falling and those that are not.

You try to pray down fire from heaven on the dry cleaning outfit that ruined your suit.

When you break a fingernail, you blame it on spiritual warfare.

You think that the movie FREE WILLY is an instructional video on deliverance by the Happy Hunters.

You develop a slight hand tremor, and 40 people ask for your prayers during ministry time.

You lie on the floor to nap through boring sermons and are perceived as super-spiritual when you get up.

Your bumper sticker reads, "Tithe if you love Jesus - so I won’t have to."

You speak King James English when disciplining your kids ... "Be-hold, thou hast sham-ed thyself , and sham-ed thy Gawd! To thy room!"

You praise God daily that your no longer a _______________ (fill in the name of the denomination you came out of).

Church Bulletin Bloopers:

"For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs."

"The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church."

"The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession."

"Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door."

"Anointing of the sick ... If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously sick by request."

"The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment."

The sermon title this morning: WOMEN IN THE CHURCH

The closing song: RISE UP, O MEN OF GOD

The sermon this morning: GOSSIP ... THE SPEAKING OF EVIL

The closing song: I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY

The sermon this morning: CONTEMPORARY ISSUES # 3 ... EUTHANASIA

The closing song: TAKE MY LIFE

Hopefully these Christian jokes put you in a good mood. If not, try one of our other pages. If that doesn't might want to check your pulse.

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