Christian News Sites Report - Mega-Depression



As Christian news sites are reporting, the onset of the Mega-Depression is upon us. This Mega-Depression that we're all

in as we speak is by far worse than its predecessor, The Great Depression.

As evidence of this fact, economist Hans Berthume says,"The Mega-Depression is obviously worse than the Great Depression. Just listen to the name Mega. Can you deny that is obviously worse than Great? The Great Depression is going to be "great" compared to this."

When prompted as to what made him arrive at this conclusion, Berthume responded, " I've got years and years of study and research behind this hypothesis. A lot of experiments and empirical data that the normal human being would never understand have been analyzed. That and I never miss Anderson Cooper on CNN. That guy is dreamy. What is with that silver hair?"

With the Mega-Depression upon us, many things that we used to take for granted are becoming luxuries. Things like the internet are no longer utilized by the American public due to the excess cost involved.

"When President Obama decided to turn off the internet for the foreseeable future, that was a stroke of genius," says blogger Adam Servo. "Those darn internet bills were out of control. If it was up to me, even after the Mega-Depression is over, we should just leave it off."

When reminded that he was a professional blogger, Servo responded, "Oh crap."

Many Americans have taken such drastic measures that they would never have dreamed of doing such things mere months ago. 3/4 of the population has reportedly sold a kidney and a spleen on the black market. The black market has since stopped accepting organs, due to an overstock.

Instead of housing, 97% of the United States now lives in tents underneath local bridges. No longer do warm meals fill the stomachs of the masses. They are forced to eat whatever they can scrounge up out of the dumpster. McDonald's was forced to convert the $1 Menu into the $.5 Menu. Currently the only thing on the menu is a single ketchup packet.

On second thought, considering that this article is being written for only 1% of the population that still manages to get the internet through alternative means, what's the point? I'm going back to my cardboard box until this Mega-Depression is over.


Obviously the above story is completely fictional. However, it is a compilation of pretty much every news story that I've read on secular and Christian news sites in the last few months. It's getting ridiculous and someone has to point out the continuous negativity out there. Yes...some people have lost their jobs. I pray for those people, but the truth is we're still doing much better than we were during the Great Depression. Just keep your head up and the future is looking bright.

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